


Brazenous

by yeaka



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3438734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin vaguely counsels Thorin on how to deal with overly obvious hobbits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brazenous

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Fill for anon’s “As it turns out, Hobbits are very obvious in their advances on somebody. Dwarves, on the other hand, like to be subtle. So the whole company is surprised when Bilbo starts checking Thorin out, finding ways to touch him, or bring him flowers or his meal first. Nobody is more surprised than Thorin, who is completely in shock over how this hobbit can so brazenly offer himself” prompt on [The Hobbit Kink Meme](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/11476.html?thread=24060116#t24060116).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own The Hobbit or any of its contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

After a long day of trudging up the steep inclines of the mountain, it’s good to have a rest. The warmth of the fire is plenty welcome, the light through the dark even more so, especially with Gandalf warning them that they won’t be able to set fires when they’re higher up, for fear of attracting goblins and wargs. For now, they’re still able to cook hot stew, and Dwalin cherishes the mug in his hands. They never have enough to eat on this journey, so he has to savour every bite. 

He’s on his own log, furthest away from the circle, when Thorin comes to sit beside him. Dwalin’s got his face in his cup as it happens, but he knows the air of his best friend and king by now. He finishes his gulp, still chewing on the meat, and looks sideways. 

Thorin’s handsome face appears troubled. His posture is just a little more rigid than usual, and he’s sitting particularly close, his leg wedged right up alongside Dwalin’s. He leans closer still to whisper, “I need your advice.” It’s nothing new to hear trouble in his deep voice, but the way he’s bringing this up is strange. Dwalin can’t help but wonder why he isn’t going to Balin, who’s better at guidance in general. 

Still, he asks, “What?”

“Bilbo brought me food first again,” Thorin hisses, like this is incredibly significant, rather than incredibly common.

“He always does that.” Dwalin neglects to add that Thorin’s their king and _should_ be served first. Thorin shakes his head.

“It’s more than that. Remember yesterday, when he gave me those flowers he picked?”

Dwalin snorts. Of course he does. A dwarf would never do such a thing, but then: “Hobbits are strange.”

Thorin glares and delivers the final blow. “He just told me he got some new, tight, thin, lacy underwear in Rivendell.” Dwalin chokes on a chunk of bread. Thorin pats his back while Dwalin struggles, and a second later, he’s spit it out onto the ground. Flushed red and gasping for air, Dwalin looks at Thorin, who has a very serious expression on his face. Dwalin would ask if this is a trick, but he can see that Thorin heard every one of those adjectives from Bilbo’s own mouth. 

“Exactly,” Thorin goes on. “What am I supposed to do?”

“He said that? All of that?”

“ _Yes_. In a very... erotic... way.” And here Thorin shifts uncomfortably on his log. It’s strange to see their fearless leader taken down, but clearly Bilbo’s got right to the heart of Thorin, and it’s left him unsteady. 

Dwalin just mutters, looking across the fire to where their burglar is currently whispering to Balin, “Do hobbits have no subtlety?

“Apparently not.”

Dwalin shakes his head. It takes him another moment to digest the information, during which he doesn’t dare have any more stew. Thorin remains stonily silent. Finally, Dwalin asks, “Well... what do you want to do?”

“Rip that underwear off with my teeth,” Thorin growls under his breath, crossing his arms and looking bitterly at the ground, “But that’s the sort of thing you say to a close friend in confidence, not to the person you’re courting!”

Apparently, hobbits have very different courting rituals. Dwalin opens his mouth, even though he’s not sure how much advice he can really give, but he stops when he notices that Bilbo’s gotten up and is walking around the fire. 

He comes right up to their log, and he sidles, so very easily, onto Thorin’s knee. He perches right on Thorin’s lap with the usual gentle smile of his, like any proper hobbit would do the same, and he asks Thorin quite calmly, “Have you thought about what I said?”

Thorin looks at Dwalin with wide eyes. Dwalin’s not sure he’s ever seen his king so helpless, and he doesn’t know if he should laugh or leave. 

While Bilbo innocently sits and waits, Thorin fidgets and visibly holds himself back from grabbing at Bilbo and pulling him closer. A quick examination of Thorin’s thoroughly interested but flummoxed face tells Dwalin what he wants to know, so he eventually leans forward and hisses for Thorin’s ears alone, “Do it.”

Apparently, that permission was all Thorin was looking for. He suddenly scoops Bilbo up, right over his shoulder, and Bilbo squeaks, his legs kicking aimlessly as Thorin holds his rear in place. He announces loudly, “The burglar and I need to have a serious talk and should not be disturbed.” Instantly, all the other dwarves look over and stare. Thorin’s face is clearly red, and Dwalin knows he’s going to have to do some serious covering for Thorin. Under the pretense of discussion—and what some of the dwarves may pick up on as a lecture on how to court someone _properly_ —Thorin marches off behind the nearest boulder, toting a bouncing Bilbo along with him. 

About five minutes later, Dwalin has to move to a log closer to the fire and the buzz of the others, because a proper dwarf doesn’t listen to such lewd things out in the open.


End file.
